Gender Differences in Forgiving Others and Self-Forgiveness: What Does the Research Say?

TL;DR

Gender differences in forgiveness are real but subtle. Women often show more forgiveness in interpersonal contexts, while men may score higher in dispositional forgiveness or self-forgiveness. These patterns are moderated by empathy, coping strategies, relational expectations, and cultural values. The mechanisms behind forgiveness vary by gender, with women relying more on empathy and relational repair, and men responding more to self-compassion and moral reasoning.

Key Takeaways

• Women tend to forgive more in close relationships; men report higher general or self-forgiveness.

• Empathy predicts forgiveness more strongly in men, despite being higher in women.

• Self-forgiveness may be easier for men due to differences in emotional processing.

• Relational and cultural contexts significantly influence how gender impacts forgiveness.

Introduction

Forgiveness is often framed as a universal virtue, but research suggests its expression is influenced by gender. Are women more forgiving because they’re more relational? Do men forgive themselves more easily due to emotional distancing? Studies exploring these questions reveal a layered picture of how gender intersects with forgiveness—toward others and the self.

Understanding Gender and Forgiveness

Are Women Really More Forgiving?

Meta-analyses such as Miller et al. (2008) found women slightly more forgiving than men, especially in interpersonal situations. However, the difference is small (d ≈ 0.28) and not consistent across all studies. Some research, like Kaleta & Mróz (2021), found men reporting higher levels of dispositional forgiveness. Clearly, context matters.

Dispositional vs. Contextual Forgiveness

Dispositional forgiveness refers to a general tendency to forgive, while contextual forgiveness reflects forgiveness in specific relationships. Women tend to score higher in contextual measures—especially when emotional closeness and empathy are involved. Men’s scores are often higher in generalized assessments, possibly influenced by social norms or differing expectations around emotional expression.

Forgiving Others: Mechanisms and Gender Roles

Empathy and Relational Repair

Empathy plays a complex role. Women consistently score higher in empathy (Toussaint & Webb, 2005), but research finds empathy predicts forgiveness more strongly in men. This suggests that while women may feel empathy more often, men’s forgiveness may depend on empathic triggers. Women are more likely to require relational repair—like apologies or demonstrations of remorse—before they forgive (Záhorcová et al., 2023).

In romantic contexts, studies show gendered patterns: men are less likely to forgive sexual infidelity, while women find emotional betrayal more difficult to forgive (Shackelford et al., 2002).

Cognitive and Moral Factors

Men are more likely to approach forgiveness through moral reasoning or internal benefit (Root & Exline, 2011). Prompts emphasizing personal growth or responsibility tend to resonate with male participants. In contrast, women may link forgiveness to relational maintenance, feeling pressure to restore harmony.

Self-Forgiveness: Does Gender Make a Difference?

Self-Compassion and Emotion Regulation

Studies are mixed. Some find no significant gender differences in self-forgiveness (Cabras et al., 2022; Yarnell et al., 2015), while others report men as more self-forgiving. This may be tied to higher levels of self-compassion in men, as shown in meta-analyses (Yarnell et al., 2015). Women, on the other hand, may struggle more with rumination and shame, which can hinder self-forgiveness (Mróz & Kaleta, 2023).

Emotion regulation strategies also vary: women may benefit from external validation, while men rely on cognitive reappraisal.

Cultural and Clinical Contexts

In recovery contexts, women may show more growth in self-forgiveness over time (Krentzman, 2017). Cultural values also matter: collectivist societies might reinforce relational forms of forgiveness more strongly in women, while individualist cultures encourage personal justification and detachment more common in male approaches.

Moderators and Mediators: What Shapes Gendered Forgiveness?

• Empathy: Higher in women; more predictive in men.

• Rumination: More common in women; mediates the forgiveness-health link.

• Emotion regulation: Girls use reappraisal more in adolescent forgiveness scenarios (Zhang et al., 2020).

• Cultural factors: Forgiveness norms and expectations differ by gender across cultures (Mellor & Fung, 2012).

• Relationship context: Gendered reactions to romantic transgressions (Shackelford et al., 2002).

Discussion

Forgiveness is not a monolith—it’s shaped by values, context, and internal narratives. Gender contributes to how people interpret harm, what they need to heal, and how they view forgiveness itself. Women are more attuned to relational dynamics and often forgive when emotional amends are made. Men, though less emotionally expressive, may find resolution through introspection and rational reframing.

Importantly, the differences are not extreme. Many studies show minimal gaps, with considerable overlap in how forgiveness operates across gender lines. What’s clear is that tailoring interventions to gendered strengths—like empathy for women and cognitive strategies for men—could enhance their effectiveness.

FAQ

Are women more forgiving than men?

Yes, but only slightly—and mostly in interpersonal contexts.

Do men forgive themselves more easily?

Some studies suggest they do, potentially due to higher self-compassion and lower rumination.

Why does empathy predict forgiveness more strongly in men?

Because men may need more empathic engagement to trigger forgiveness processes, while women default to empathy more naturally.

Are forgiveness patterns the same across cultures?

No. Cultural norms heavily influence forgiveness styles and gender expectations.

Should forgiveness interventions be gender-specific?

They don’t need to be exclusive, but adapting strategies to gender-related tendencies improves results.

Conclusion

Gender shapes how we forgive, but not in absolute terms. Women may be more forgiving in emotionally intimate settings, whereas men may excel in general or self-forgiveness due to different cognitive and emotional habits. Both paths offer value. Understanding these differences helps professionals guide healing in ways that honor the individual while respecting broader patterns.

References

• Cabras, C., Kaleta, K., Mróz, J., Loi, G., & Sechi, C. (2022). Gender and age differences in forgivingness in Italian and Polish samples. Heliyon, 8, e09771. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.heliyon.2022.e09771

• Kaleta, K., & Mróz, J. (2021). Gender Differences in Forgiveness and its Affective Correlates. Journal of Religion and Health, 61, 2819–2837. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10943-021-01369-5

• Krentzman, A. (2017). Longitudinal Differences in Spirituality and Religiousness Between Men and Women in Treatment for Alcohol Use Disorders. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 9(S1), S11–S21. https://doi.org/10.1037/rel0000096

• Mellor, D., & Fung, S. (2012). Forgiveness, Empathy and Gender—A Malaysian Perspective. Sex Roles, 67(1-2), 98–107. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-012-0144-4

• Miller, A., Worthington, E., & McDaniel, M. (2008). Gender and Forgiveness: A Meta-Analytic Review and Research Agenda. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 27(8), 843–876. https://doi.org/10.1521/JSCP.2008.27.8.843

• Mróz, J., & Kaleta, K. (2023). Forgiveness and Physical and Mental Health: The Mediating Role of Self-Consciousness. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20, 36229. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20136229

• Root, B. L., & Exline, J. J. (2011). Gender Differences in Response to Experimental Forgiveness Prompts. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 33(2), 182–193. https://doi.org/10.1080/01973533.2011.568850

• Shackelford, T. K., Buss, D. M., & Bennett, K. (2002). Forgiveness or Breakup: Sex Differences in Responses to a Partner’s Infidelity. Cognition and Emotion, 16(3), 299–307. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699930143000202

• Toussaint, L., & Webb, J. R. (2005). Gender Differences in the Relationship Between Empathy and Forgiveness. The Journal of Social Psychology, 145(6), 673–685. https://doi.org/10.3200/SOCP.145.6.673-686

• Yarnell, L., Stafford, R., Neff, K. D., Reilly, E. D., Knox, M. C., & Mullarkey, M. (2015). Meta-Analysis of Gender Differences in Self-Compassion. Self and Identity, 14(5), 499–520. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2015.1029966

• Zhang, L., Lu, J., Li, B., Wang, X., & Shangguan, C. (2020). Gender differences in the mediating effects of emotion-regulation strategies on forgiveness and depression among adolescents. Personality and Individual Differences, 167, 110094. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110094

• Záhorcová, L., Dršťáková, Ž., & Masaryková, M. (2023). Forgiveness, its factors, and unforgivable acts in romantic relationships: A mixed‐methods study. Personal Relationships, 30(1), 66–82. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12471